So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
