watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
