Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
