I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
