we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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