my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
