awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
