The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
