I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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