I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
