i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
