"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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