the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
