"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
