i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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