White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
