just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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