My brain says no but my pants say off.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
