I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
