His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
