FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
