Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
