next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
