i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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