Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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