I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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