The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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