oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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