absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
