i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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