someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My cat gives me a boner
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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