Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she looked like the before picture.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize