Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
