Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fuck appropriateness.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize