it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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