That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
