tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
