Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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