he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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