and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
