Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
