Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
