If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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