Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
