We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
