I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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