Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
