I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
