I got chris browned last night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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