I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
