And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize