im drinking this country out of the recession.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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