:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
