i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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