At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
