New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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