i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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