she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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