Can Purell be used as lube?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize