Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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