umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
