This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
