Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize