i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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