Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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