My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
