I think my fart just growled at me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
