I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Can Purell be used as lube?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
