Only a mothe r could love this liver
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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