If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
