Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
