You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
