its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize