He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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