In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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