I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
