dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
