im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
