that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
