No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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