he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i think my cat just said my name.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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