coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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