did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
