Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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