I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
