Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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