I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
