He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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