Sry I called you an 8
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
