Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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