Sponge bath it is.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
