if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
