it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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