But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
worst night to have a conscience
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
