porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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