U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
