i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
