Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
