He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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