Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
