I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
