i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize