you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
