His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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