I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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