Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
