Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you will always have a special place in my vag
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
