2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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