I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
