Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
