I think I won the penis lottery.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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