Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
