stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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