I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
